i’m shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

So, I’ve realized some things about myself lately that I’m sure are entirely obvious to others… but somehow only recently have these little nuggets of truth crept up on me.

I’m a little too self-depreciating for my own good and I need to love myself a little more in order to actually let the other bits fall into place. If I don’t love myself or respect myself, I won’t stick up for myself when the bad food is telling me to eat it. I mean, lettuce can’t stand up to beef all on its own.

That’s kind of a silly analogy, but it makes a lot of sense. I happen to think so anyway!!

I am committing myself to running daily again. I am following a diet founded on the 17 day that I previously lost 15 lbs on. I made Bobby make a salad lunch pact with me LOL. Salads for lunch every day, and I will send him a picture of my lunch and he will send me one of his, so we are both accountable. No hiding from that!

And we’ll let ourselves eat pretty normal dinners. Aka, I can eat the delicious things his mom makes such as haluski (she makes it better than my hungarian grandmother), the beef and noodles and breadcrumbs thing and baked corn and on and on and on!!!

But yeah. I am comfortable with that game plan.

So these themes are carrying on throughout other aspects of my life as well. I’m trying to love myself more, take better care of myself, and finally, take care of the things I own. No more throwing clothes wherever they land or not putting them away or being completely unorganized. That’s actually what got me to rearrange my bookshelf, which looks great now by the way. I just need to take better care of myself and my belongings.

Someone once said that there is no such thing as an ugly girl, but there is such a thing as a lazy girl. So the moral of that morsel, essentially, is take care of yourself, take care of your belongings and do what you need to do. Make yourself feel pretty, make yourself feel worthwhile. And you will be. Just like that.

So that’s really what I’ve been striving to do in the past week. I think a lot of the issues I have come from complexes that my despicable ex-boyfriend gave me. So I feel bad that Bobby has to deal with that fallout, but my ex is not solely to blame. I think women are just so susceptible to feeling this way and I think some of us just have a much harder time brushing off the bad experiences we associate with it, and get down much, much easier!

Don’t get me all wrong though, I don’t think that I am ugly. And I’m seriously not whining here in a self pity party OR fishing for compliments. I just feel as though I am not good enough the way I am. And I have to remind myself that it’s not true. I simply am not comfortable as I am now in my skin, but as long as I’m working on improving that, it’s all that can be done! And as long as I am actually making an effort, I can’t be too hard on myself.

Bobby & I


the ring is from forever 21, 2.50 and the top was from forever 21 also. 22 dollars I believe!

So yeah that was my attempt at pretty today. I love that top and I feel like those pictures don’t really do it justice. It’s very flowy and comfortable. The front kind of .. had folds? that came down and there were no buttons to close it or anything it was just loose and flowy. LOL. That’s a great description, but yeah!

We also found a couch we LOVE at Big Lots actually, haha. I can’t wait to buy it. It’s only like 350 but I really want to have the cash for it rather than put it on a charge card. I have a photo of it somewhere on my phone, maybe I can upload it later with my new wordpress app for android LOL… still getting the hang of that.. when did I become computer illiterate? The girl who used to write HTML code in Notepad can’t even get the hang of using WordPress.

I’m going to go look into Google Pages now real fast before bed. Night!

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4 thoughts on “i’m shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

  1. christinaheart says:

    [this is good]

    Also… I need to get myself to a Forever 21. They have the cutest jewelry and some awesome tops. (Though, being as… busty… as I am, I have to work a little harder to find clothes there that don’t make me look like a common prostitute.)

    • kmariam says:

      I know, their jewelery is great!! I love it. I just wish I had more of a wardrobe to pair it with LOL! I have found that their stuff is pretty hit or miss, and a lot of the good stuff gets picked up pretty quick. Leaving xs and s and barely any m/l, so you kind of have to time your visit right and get there around when they get their stuff in, if that made sense. I think I did better this last time I went because they seemed to get in a lot of fall things for back to school. When I’ve gone in earlier this summer I’ve found literally nothing.

      They have like $4 scarves. I love scarves! Must go back when I have some extra money.

      • christinaheart says:

        I have no idea when they get shipments in! I loved their sweater/cardigans last fall. They had so many and, of course, it’s easier to find a cardigan that fits than an actual shirt. They’re much more forgiving.

        I love the idea of scarves, but I’ve never actually figured out how to wear them without me sweating my ass off.

      • kmariam says:

        i just love how you can literally wear them with absolutely anything

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