you know i gotta get out, but i’m stuck so tight

I love that song by the counting crows.

It kind of reminds me of those “Stuck in x” stickers though. Every time I see a “Stuck in Ohio” sticker on a car, I thank God for not being that lame. I mean, I’m lame. But I’m not THAT lame. So that’s something.

I had an amazing birthday (April 20). Truly, it was the bomb. I’m 25. I feel OLD. I know that’s still really young… but it’s so “adult” that being in the situation I am “stuck” in really makes me feel in a hurry to change it.

I’m headed in the right direction though. Packing away money (granted, it will be used for my best friends bachelorette party, but it’s getting me used to doing it!), paying off old debts, preparing for all that is to come.

But sometimes, you just can’t do anything. I mean there are days when you’ve done so much and you know there is so much left to do, but you’re just like “Enough” and that’s it, you just stop. Which is okay, but my problem is that once I stop I still feel the “lefttodo” weighing heavily on my shoulders.What’s the secret to pretending it’s not there ’till tomorrow?

I enjoy sedentary things, but who doesn’t? I love  reading and playing video games and crocheting. All of which I feel like I NEVER get to do enough of. But what I really need to do is start bike riding again and develop some healthier habits. It just seems like all I ever have the time/energy for are my sedentary activities. Sure, I’ll work out for a half an hour on the treadmill, but the thought of  driving  to somewhere I feel comfortable riding my bike seems like it would take forever. So I play The Sims.

I’m just barely ever home during the week. I’m lucky enough to have one of those nice 9-5, 5 days a week office jobs. SO after that’s done, I usually go straight to Bobby. And then I just hang out with him all night long. Which is lovely, because he’s my best friend and he spoils me terribly and I enjoy him immensely. 🙂 However, I get home late and then wake up and do it again the next day. BUT I FEEL LIKE I’M FORGETTING HOW TO CROCHET. So I should be doing that right now instead of this. But the light isn’t right, there’s nowhere comfortable to go… I make up so many excuses not to do things I love. It’s weird and I can’t explain it. Maybe I really don’t want it that bad after all.

I cleaned all day. I cleaned the bathroom, the stairwell, the extra room, did laundry, etc. And now it’s 7 in the evening and I’m finally bathed and presentable, but I have nowhere to go. I’m just stuck in my tower because Bobby is doing homework and so I’m a little lost.

I don’t have to be… I could go out and do something.

But I guess I don’t want to do anything bad enough.

Because here I am.  Ain’t that somethin?


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